Tuesday, December 01, 2009

The Journal

Tomorrow is my last day of maternity leave...I am SO sad. I will greatly miss my little buddy during the day. I hope I can focus on work and not dwell on the time I am missing with him. I also found out that I have to go to Chicago for 5 days on December 14-18 for certification of a new product and I am very sad about that....I can't imagine being away from the little guy that long!
I have tried to get a few last minute "wish list" items accomplished while I have time and one thing I wanted to do was organize my bookshelf. When we moved, all of the books were put on the shelf, but they weren't organized where I could find anything. So, I started sorting them Sunday evening and I came across an old journal. That morning at church, the pastor had been speaking about prayer and he talked about some old journals he had and how it was neat to reflect back on his writings. I opened up my journal and the first entry was from October 2000! I was shocked! Nearly 10 years ago I had penciled some thoughts in this book. What was interesting is that my next entry wasn't until 2002, then one in 2003, then again only one in 2004. Since then, none. But those few entries really showed me how much I have changed in some areas and how little I have changed in others. First of all, I have had 10 years to grow since the first entry, yet I still have such a low self-esteem. I wish I could have more confidence in myself, but for some reason, I don't. That probably shocks some people, but I am the biggest perfectionist! However, I have learned my lesson in friendships...it's like the old song, "if it don't come easy, just let it go." It was interesting to read my thoughts several years ago when I was experiencing some changes in that area and then to think about where I am at now. I can't believe how much time I wasted and fretted over that stuff. Journaling is so good for the soul--it's like a time-machine into our hearts. It was interesting to hear myself speaking from years ago. It was nice to tell myself I have grown and it was also interesting to see what areas I need to keep working on. Which brings me to this blog (and probably the reason I haven't written a single entry in that journal book in 6 years). I have truly enjoyed going back and reading some of my entries in this blog--though they aren't as personal as a journal entry, I immediately know what my thoughts and situations were during the posts.
So, long live my blog!

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