Sunday, January 11, 2009

Why Does Everything Never Work Right?

I am so frustrated! So, I had this fascination I told you about that I was SOOOO anxious to try--digital scrapbooking--however, I hook up my new Bamboo pad and install the Photoshop Elements 4 that came with it. The Bamboo pad works great, except when I use it in the PSE4. For some reason the PSE4 did not load up right. So, I reinstalled it, and installed it again, and installed it yet once more. Then I googled "troubleshooting PSE4" and that whole article was WAY over my head. So, I gave up. 5 days later, my Bamboo pad anxiously awaits to be used and I can't figure out how to fix the issue! And it seems like everything I try to use these days doesn't work correctly. What happened to quality?
On to more productive we went to church this morning again. THREE TIMES IN A ROW! It was a great lesson and a little ironic as well. Let me explain. Last night we went to dinner with about 24 other friends and we were sitting next to one couple and the whole discussion of church was brought up. It was funny how the discussion led to how both of us couples had once attended a certain church and felt the whole "not good enough" feeling. We didn't even realize each other had went to church there (I think time lines may be a little different as to when we each attended). Anyway, we were talking about how we felt like it all came down to who you were, who you were related to, or what you do now that kind of defined you. Then, there's the who "judgment" issue that bothered us. Now before I hack someone off, I am certainly not trying to say everyone at that church was that way--I know that's definitely not the case. I am just saying that it seems so hard sometimes to find a church family where you really fit in. (So please don't get all wound up about the above paragraph and take it as a slam) So, today Richie and I were driving to church and discussing people and church again and the whole "fitting in" issue. So, back to today's lesson. It was about how the preacher had went and asked tons of people what came to mind when they heard the word church. Guess what the number one answer was? GUILT. Guilt? Yes, guilt. Some may be surprised by this answer. But, honestly I have to admit that was my first thought too. Why? Because it seems that church and church people place such high expectations on one another--expectations that frankly aren't attainable. And all the while--we are ALL making mistakes, living our lives, etc. But we forget that part. I think it's almost like we enjoy "deflecting" the guilt. And then there's the smaller dose of guilt in that we feel guilty to participate 100% or feel like failures when life is just too difficult at times to do that. I have to say that so far I really feel like we have find a church "vacation home". What I mean is that I am not ready to commit to joining yet, but I am definitely enjoying visiting and getting to know the people and I love the whole rock band worship service! It's been such a blessing to me to go back to church. I really miss the socialization with other girls, other couples, other moms, etc. But, honestly at my old church even when I had those things they just didn't feel right. Why? Because I never could be myself. Sure I tried, but that didn't matter. I was already defined by others as what they wanted me to be. But at this church, I really feel like I am able to define myself!
So thank you Lord for the great opportunity to try a new church and find you again. Thank you for a wonderful career that's been such a blessing in so many ways. Thank you for 2 precious children who sometimes send me to the edge of insanity, yet yank me back to reality with their "chipmunk" laugh and "horse giggle". And thank you for an amazing husband who strives to make each day with me better than the day before. Amen.

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